I tried to get back into it, I keep trying to get back into it.
Nothing really resonates. It seems to stress me out to get to class, I stay stressed during class, I keep looking at the clock… I know it’s good for me, for my body, but I find it boring and hard to concentrate.
1 class at Moxie, “fundamentals,” OK but slow and boring.
1 class at Moxie, “fundamentals,” same teacher, OK but slow and boring.
1 class at Moxie, some other name, it was harder and did a lot of standing poses I found difficult but interesting, but I was a nervous wreck b/c of a lot of stress at home, plus I knew I’d locked my bike wrong and I couldn’t stop fixating on it getting stolen. I left the class, not once but 2 or 3 times, and apologized to the teacher for disrupting her class. I’m mortified.
1 class at Flying Studio in Oakland with my friend, who taught a very nice class, I really enjoyed it without the music, but again, it was hard to stay focused and concentrate when all I want to do is cry.
I feel like I have no “safe” place to live — I’m not in danger, just have some trauma reactions at my place which cause extremely high anxiety pretty much all the time, since I have no place to go to decompress.
I know yoga is supposed to make it better, but all I want to do is rest, and getting to and from yoga then staying during the class with my mind racing doesn’t seem to be helping much these days.
I know I need to give it a better shot, going more than 1x/week, but I’m doing the best I can.
Does it ever get better? I know it always goes up and down, but it feels like the downs are winning out these days.